2nd Test : Day Two - Arise J M Anderson : a new leader of our attack is born

When true silence falls we are left with echo but are nearer nakedness.
Harold Pinter, Writing for the Theatre

England - 1st innings : 425; Australia - 1st innings : 156 - 8 (day two, stumps).

Sometimes proximity can blur judgement. Having slept on our first day's score, I woke heartened and in anticipation once again. Of course, our customary collapse remained a disappointment but racking up such a high score in a single day against the old enemy rendered the day a largely positive one. I was eager to see our Lord achieve his highest test score yet and contribute to us posting an imposing first innings total. An under-pressure Aussie innings was a tantalising prospect. Our bowlers had failed in Cardiff and would be keen to make amends on a much kinder surface. Alongside The Bearded Lady and a reluctant Novice, I sunk into the sofa and tuned into the familiar, dulcet tones of our ring-master, Mr Gower.

MORNING SESSION : ENGLAND - FIT FOR A QUEEN

The Baggy Green's best bowler of the series and the owner of the team's dullest nickname - Hilfy - unsurprisingly opened the bowling and we were cheered to see his first ball pass through to Haddin with Brocket untroubled. A couple of looseners were in the offing. But, the Skipper was dulled into a false sense of calm and, clearly too relaxed, left the next ball which was much straighter and his off stump was removed. He had been bowled by the second ball of the morning and only a minute into the day. Pessimism swept over us once more. Nasser, having eulogised Brocko's century just minutes earlier in typically hackney terms - "it speaks volumes for his mental strength", reminded us all that the Lord was notorious for not adding to his total when on a hundred over-night. Athers explained that a lack of sleep could have been to blame as shut-eye after such an electrifying innings would have been difficult. The Lord certainly did look lethargic... Marcel joined the Blonde bombshell at the crease and got off the mark with a boundary. On 364-7 we were relying on our tail to wag to reach 400 and beyond. Sid Vicious was immediately brought onto bowl to work over Dr Comfort a la Cardiff and Punter's plan was quickly realised. The Chin was out for just four in the fourth ball of Sid's over, prodding to Ponting himself at slip off a short ball. There was movement and bounce in the pitch and the Aussie's cloud-cover assisted bowling was rejuvenated. Boyband was bowled by Da Haus in the very next over and was out for 16 runs off 26 balls. The mornings' first three overs had seen three wickets fall. We were 278-9 and a total of 400 looked a very long way off.

It had been a disastrous start. Shakespeare arrived for his maiden test innings looking pensive. The Hilfenmesiter had just achieved test bets figures of 4 for 89 from 27 overs and a five for and a place on the hallowed Lord's honours board looked mere minutes away. Comic relief then came to our rescue. We received some respite in the form of a sickly Sid on the brink off collapse. "Onions is getting peppered and Siddle looks like he's going to fall over. I don't know who I'm more worried about." Who knew Nass had an inner Marie Curie? After half an hour, the Vicious one was forced to leave the field, stopping only to be sick as he neared the boundary. The Aussie had desecrated the turf - the ultimate cricketing blasphemy. The Bearded Lady decided that Swine Flu must be the cause...

Against all the odds, our final batting partnership persevered in some style with The Medieval Face quickly onto double figures. At 11.37 the misfiring Johnson (insert inappropriate joke here) fumbled a run out chance and, soon after, an Anderson four brought up the 400. Jimbo was officially our new batting hero and laying claim to becoming our no.1 willow wacker of the series. The Vicious one returned to the field but still looked on the brink. 450 was once again a realistic target and we were approaching it with no little speed. Just before noon, our tenth wicket stand was 41 from just 44 balls. Unfortunately, MJ then strayed from his default waywardness and removed Jimmy with a short ball for 29. We were all out for 425. We hadn't quite managed 450 but the tail had salvaged respectability. Duncan Fletcher's mantra about multi dimensional cricketers had rung true once again.

The bowlers had delivered with the bat and their potency with the ball was now in demand. It was time to produce with the day job. The ball was still swinging so there would be no room for excuses; early inroads with the still newish ball would be crucial in wrestling control of the match. Anderson opened the innings with a maiden and Freddie responded with a maiden at the other end. The conditions married with the contrasting styles of the Aussie opening pair offered us some hope and in the third over JA struck, removing the potentially explosive Hughes for just 4. The silence was broken and Lord's couldn't suppress its excitement. Cries of "Jimmy, Jimmy" rang out across the ground as Punter arrived at the crease. The Baggy Green captain was the prize wicket; if he were to be dismissed before lunch, the session and perhaps the test itself would be in our hands. He was quickly off the mark but, twenty minutes later, he was outfoxed by an Anderson inswinger and seemingly caught behind by Strauss at slip. Koertzen referred the decision to the third umpire as the England players celebrated and Ricky remained resolute at the crease.

After what seemed like an interminable pause, Rudi raised his finger and Ponting had to walk. The 'catch' had been given. Hawk Eye replays suggested that the ball had actually hit his pad and missed his bat completely but this didn't render the decision incorrect. Ponting was certainly out but he should have been dismissed LBW not caught behind. It is an understatement to label the moment a controversial one. It was a decisive and series turning dismissal. The Aussies were 10 - 2 and reeling with their captain and best batsman back in the pavilion having scored just 2 runs. Both batsmen at the crease were on 0 with twenty minutes to last out but the Kat and Mr Cricket somehow scratched around until lunch with their wickets intact. Australia were 22-2. With the Queen in attendance, we were alive.

AFTERNOON SESSION : WEATHER AIDS AUSSIE FIGHT BACK

The afternoon session was a chequered one. Rain ensured that it was a stop-start series of overs and our bowlers as a result found it difficult to maintain any rhythm. Or perhaps they were still recovering from meeting Victoria. There was only half an hour of play before the first stoppage. The umpires had looked fidgety from the off sensing an imminent downpour and our bowlers were little better with both Anderson and Broad bowling too wide. At 14.06, the players retired to the dressing rooms with the Aussies on 31-2. Play restarted just over half an hour later as the floodlights were turned on in the wake of cloud cover. Enforcing the follow-on was a distinct prospect already, if only the weather would hold out. We sensed a window of opportunity with the batsmen having to effectively begin their innings again at each restart. Unfortunately, both sides had to scuttle off again at 14.55 and remained sidelined until 15.40. The session was extended to accommodate the delays and appeared almost never-ending. Our bowling had been unsettled by the disruption and Strauss elected to challenge the incumbent batsmen by summoning Onions onto bowl for his maiden Ashes over. He wasn't immediately effective and the Baggy Breen rear-guard action was in motion with a 50 partnership. Some chin music from Westlife failed to yield a breakthrough and The Chin himself was unveiled but to little effect. The Aussies reached 87 for 2 at tea and incisions were not looking immediate.

EVENING SESSION : THERE WILL BE BLOOD

The talk during the break was of GBH's 6 for 20 at Durham. Our faith in our bowling attack was waning after JA and Fred had shone so brightly in the morning. The Kat was on 40 and his partner Cricket Tragic on 37 as play resumed at 16.40. We needed a breakthrough as they neared a century partnership and with Freddie still economical but not overly penetrating we seemed anchorless. Then, just before 17.00, Shakespeare struck removing Kat for 48 as Boyband took a wonderful catch at fine leg. We were reborn. Fred was bounding in again and the sight of a new batsman electrified the field. The out of touch Hussey soon reached 50 off 82 but twenty minutes later Fred completed a blistering 95mph spell by clipping the top of his off stump. The Aussies were 111-4 and on the ropes at last.

With two new batsmen at the crease, we sensed blood and Jimbo produced dismissing Clarke for a single run. They were now reduced to 111 for 5. "England are all over Australia," exclaimed Warney. 112 runs were required for our opponents to avoid the follow on and it was down to two of their Cardiff centurions to see them through. North and Haddin were in a maelstrom. Fred was charging in and the crowd were rampant. The pair exhibited some resistance but it was short-lived. At 17.50 Marcus was bowled for a fourteen ball duck by the effervescent Anderson. He had stepped out from the shadows at last. With 4 for 27, the best Ashes figures of his career, the softly spoken Jimmy had announced himself as the leader of our attack.

The atmosphere intensified further as we looked to dismiss the Aussies before the day's play was over. Brocko gave the expensive Broad another chance and was rewarded as he removed the dangerous Johnson (he can still cut it with the willow) for just 4 runs. Haddin was counter-attacking well but he was running out of allies. At almost twenty past six, Broad secured another victim. Gilchrist II was back in the hutch and the Aussies were on the verge at 152-8. To the chagrin of the nation, play was stopped at 18.23 because of bad light and twenty minutes later play was called off for the day. But what a day! We had Lorded it up in some style.

Quote of the Day: The Novice on Brocket - "I like it that his hat has eyes"

Ornithological Count : Some signs of life at last. 1 Pigeon that stopped play, 2 Pigeons with only a passing interest in the game, 1 Duck shaped umbrella, 1 North (facing) Duck and a rumour that Channel Five's highlights show is unleashing our feathered friends into the action through photoshop or similar. Result.

Barminess Barometer : 100%. Russell Crowe was in the house today. Nuff said.

I just can't wait for play to resume. Let's make them follow on and annihilate em.