"I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about."
Oscar Wilde
England - 1st innings : 435; Australia - 1st innings : 249 - 1 (day two, stumps).
The second day of the series was always going to be something of a let down. The intensity of the first day of an Ashes summer can never be sustained across an entire test match. However, yesterday was a particularly trying experience. I settled down to wash events unfold from my sofa - it would have been impossible to replicate Wednesday's al fresco festivities - and initially felt quietly confident that we could post a competitive total, unleash our much vaunted bowling attack and make inroads into the Aussie batting line-up. The initial blitz of runs from our tail promised so much but my belief in the team steadily ebbed away as the day progressed...
MORNING SESSION : ENGLAND ELECTRIFYING UNTIL HUGHES HITS BACK
Mr M P Vaughan is not alone in his vociferous belief that the quality of a team's tail can determine the outcome of an Ashes series. This standpoint rendered the opening of this session an intriguing one. Would our lower order toy with the Australians and stack up runs in fearless frippery or would we fold and be skittled out for 370 runs or less? From the opening over, our bowlers batted with buccaneering gusto. First, Jimbo and The Loife bewitched the opposition quicks and their Haur and then, at 11.18am, Boyband was deceived by another one of Emo's carefully disguised slower balls and Dr Comfort glided into the cauldron for the first time.
Swann's Way was simply sublime. Our Marcel pulverised Australia alongside our resolute, duck-less Night-Watchman. We surpassed our over-night target of 400 with ease and infuriated the Baggy Green with our cheeky stroke play and imperious impudence. A KP esq reverse-sweep from the Dr was indubitably the shot of the day. Jimmy finally fell when overconfidence tempted him into a chipped shot off the artist formerly known as The Hapless Hauritz and he was caught by safe-hands Hussler for 26. Marcel, nearing a second consecutive test half century, was unperturbed by batting with the Turbanator and they put on a further 12 runs. Unfortunately, Mont was unable to ensure that our entire batting card reached double figures for only the fourth time in test history and fell off the now rapacious Haur for four. Dr C's swashbuckling knock ended an agonising three runs short of 50 but the tail had wagged and in some style. We would have been more than happy with a total of 435 runs at the start of the day. In adding almost a hundred runs to our over-night score so quickly and with such mischief, we had firmly secured the upper-hand.
Australia's response, however, ensured that the atmosphere of anticipation quickly dissipated. The crowd demanded a couple of wickets before lunch but the seemingly over-hyped Hughes, playing in his maiden Ashes series, and The Kat, his fellow opener, complimented each other perfectly and reached the end of the session with their wickets intact with some ease. Biffo's awkward stance appeared to unsettle our bowlers; they all altered their stock deliveries and instead looked to actively remove him with a barrage of bouncers. This over-eagerness engendered several wide deliveries which were swatted away for four. The Aussies' very own counterattacking opening salvo meant that we went into lunch with a degree of trepidation. They had raced away to 39 - 0 with Hughes on 30. Perhaps this 20 year-old was worthy of all the chat after all?
AFTERNOON SESSION : AUSTRALIA ADVANCE WITH EASE
Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Freddie, who else, removed the Biffmeister shortly after lunch with a 90mph plus delivery from over the wicket. Young Philip had added just six more runs to his total. This brought the Aussie skipper to the crease and, despite his 50 plus average, we were hopeful that we could oust him or his partner quickly. Our 435 runs looked an eminently defendable total. The Kat, a converted opener who had suffered in 05 batting at six, seemed vulnerable and, with the Flinstone leading the charge, we anticipated an avalanche of wickets...
However, we secured no further scalps in the session. Fred's second spell lacked the venom of his initial burst that had done for Hughes and the rest of our attack was rudderless. Our other seamers, the two pretty boys, were rather expensive and never looked like taking a wicket. JA, in particular, was a disappointment; he was unable to find any reverse swing and was largely overlooked by Lord B. Broad, initially buoyed by Flintoff's exuberance, charged in with intent but he was unable to sustain such energy; he soon became wayward and was withdrawn from the attack. (Boyband later went off the field for five overs for treatment his calf, perhaps an explanation for his lacklustre consistency). The two spinners were similarly tame; Marcel, at least, was economical and contained the Aussies but Monty was comparatively expensive and his inclusion in the side came into question, yet again, almost as soon as he came onto bowl.
At tea, Ponting and Katich had secured 50s and looked ominously settled. They had batted determinedly and our bowlers had found nothing in the ball or the wicket to outfox them. Katich had survived two nervy moments - one difficult caught and bowled opportunity that Fred just failed to hold and a plumb LBW shout off Swann - but now he seemed virtually immovable alongside his serene skipper. I prayed that Brocket the Alchemist would work his magic in the break and impart his wisdom to his beleaguered bowling attack. We had already gone some hours without a wicket and I was growing restless...
EVENING SESSION: WICKETLESS, WITLESS & LISTLESS
"Nothing has happened for two and a half hours" [Geoff Boycott]. Our bowlers did not improve after a twenty minute rest. If anything, they just got worse. With the new-ball some overs away, Brocket ultimately resorted to playing the spinners in tandem to contain their batsmen and reduce their run-rate as opposed to actively seeking wickets. This defensive move reflected the perilous nature of our play. Even Flintoff didn't look like making a long over-due incision into the Aussie line-up. We continued to toil away in the field for the rest of the day. Punter and his PussyKat both secured 100s and individual milestones - 11,000 test runs and a highest test score in England respectively. At close, Australia had reached a masterful 249-1.
We looked lost. Our bowlers had been deceived by the conditions. Nothing had gone right.
Yesterday was an overwhelmingly grim portent for the series but we remain 186 runs ahead and a couple of early wickets would swing the match back our way. Fred, this is your moment...
[Rehashed] Quote of the Day: Daniel Radcliffe - "[I like to] sit in a darkened room for eight hours watching cricket and eating a big bowl of pasta in my socks and my underwear!” Don't we all, Harry. Don't we all...
Ornithological Count : Zero, expect for Marcel of course. Do our feathered friends not like the air in Cardiff? Did witness an unidentifiable flying object drift across the crowd in the evening session, however. It was a curiously phallic balloon...
Barminess Barometer : 90% - a marked improvement. Spotted : 3 Dragons, 1 Elephant, 2 Bananas, 1 Drunken wigged David Gower, 1 masked Atherton, 1 Sylvester, 1 Flinstone, 3 Miners.
I'm off to witness an early break-through or three. Keep the faith!
No comments:
Post a Comment