1st Test : Day Four - England on the precipice of defeat

The seagulls plane and circle out of sight
Below this thirsty, thrift-encrusted height
- John Betjeman, Cornish Cliffs

England - 1st innings : 435 and 2nd innings - 20-2; Australia - 1st innings : 674-6d (day four, stumps)

I awoke this morning somewhat cloudy of head. Having been out the night before, The Bearded Lady had to hammer on my door to alert me that the morning's play was about to begin. I staggered downstairs to observe proceedings, already furious that the heavens were yet to open. This was not the hangover cure I had envisaged. I had hoped to observe some Ashes glories from days of yore as rain pelted down across Cardiff. Instead, I was set to endure the sight of yet more turgid deliveries from our hapless bowlers. Being an England cricket fan is a byword for masochism...

MORNING SESSION: RUNS FLOW AS WEATHER HOLDS OUT

We are now watching for a wicket in a stupor rather than hope, let alone expectation. North and Haddin bat in a business like fashion as we flounder in the field. Careless errors are rampant as we continue to toil. Bumble notes that The Turbanator looks like a "lost soul" but he is not alone in seeming adrift. Our team looks divided, united only in a belief that a break-through is impossible. The camera-man resorts to close-ups of Marcel's split finger (behold... an excuse for his uninspired efforts), yet another new substitute fielder (an Amla doppelganger this time) and first Freddie's toe nails and then his socks (a natty purple, grey and blue striped pair which the commentators concede are rather fetching but are still, alas, just not cricket). The batsmen record a 50 partnership from just 93 balls and later, just before lunch, both achieve individual maiden Ashes milestones - North reaches his century and Haddin his half century. The England team trudge off to the dressing room looking up at the sky as the Aussie players salute their comrades departing majestically from the crease. Brocket, in particular, looks perplexed. Where to go from here?

AFTERNOON SESSION : CLUELESS ENGLAND OUTFOXED BY PUNTER

Needless to say, anticipation had been replaced by resignation and the session begun tepidly. Well, from an England point of view. The Aussie batsmen, playing freely and without fear, upped the run rate and continued to torment our downtrodden bowlers. Gilchrist II reached his own century an hour after lunch and his eyes turned to Ponting. A declaration was in the air. Brad continued to cut loose and was bowled by Collingwood of all people on 122 going for another boundary. Australia on 674-6 now had a lead of 239 and were in a commanding position, if not an unassailable one. Ricky took the bold decision of declaring immediately in light of the dark clouds heading ominously towards the stadium. He clearly wanted half an hour to bowl at our batsmen before tea in the hope of picking up a cheap wicket or two before the rains came.

Strauss and Cook marched to the crease attempting to stave off a characteristic capitulation. Unfortunately, their rear-guard opening stand was almost over before it begun with the Chef LBW to Johnson for just six. It was now left to Brocket and his pup to hold out for thirteen minutes. The atmosphere in the field was intense; the Aussies were alive with ebullience and, despite still needing nine wickets to secure the test, seemed to believe that victory was in their sights. With five minutes left of the session, Bopara was unfairly given out LBW to Hilfenhaus and the Baggy Green troupe were rampant. KP came to the crease and it was almost too much to bear. If Kevin succumbed now, defeat was inevitable. Luckily, he scratched around for five minutes and survived to reach the break alongside the Lord. With rain in the air, they walked off some yards apart, lost in thought. In order to somehow save this test match, the captain and his predecessor must realign...

EVENING SESSION : A WASH OUT ... AT LAST

As the rain lashed down the players didn't emerge after tea and rain induced salvation seemed imminent. Surely enough, at 17.35, play was finally officially called off for the day. We had won a session without facing a ball. After basking in the relief of getting through to a fifth day's play, thoughts turn to tomorrow with trepidation. Batting out 98 overs looks beyond our batsmen. The forecast looks decidedly decent but perhaps the weather gods will pull through. If not, we need a monumental day at the crease. Perhaps this is the moment of redemption that some foresaw for cavalier Kevin...

Quote of the Day: Even the loquacious Eternal Optimist cannot see past an Aussie victory - "We are toast. We are crumbs. We are covered in vegemite!"

Ornithological Count : 1 Sea-gull - an august omen for Australia?...

Barminess Barometer : 90% - at least the Army are compensating for the team's form on the field. 4 Where's Wallys, 7 Spidermen, 1 Black-shirted Man with a puli on his head , 1 Aussie woman with an umbrella style hat (how infuriatingly ironic...), 1 yellow Rooster quiff, 1 man in a pink boa, grey dungarees and a matching grey Star Trek esq hat, 3 bowler hatted, suited and booted dandies carrying old school umbrellas and wearing ... shorts & The Return of the 3 '118' dudes, the 7 Bananas & the 3 Sombrero brothers.

Some say draws in cricket are dull. Getting through tomorrow would be anything but...